Emotions Run High

As Baby P #2’s birthday fast approaches, the anxiety is kicking into high gear. The thoughts and emotions have taken over my entire being and I’m just a hot mess.

You’re probably thinking “what’s there to be nervous about? You’ve already been through this once.” Yes I know. And the fact that I have makes it that much more difficult to grasp. With my first pregnancy, I didn’t know what to expect. I had no clue what it was like to be pregnant, how painful contractions felt, or been sleep deprived like no other once the baby had arrived. And now that I have experienced it all, the thought of going through it again gives me anxiety.

Pregnancy #2, I have to say, has been different from the 1st. Being pregnant with Ella was a breeze. There was zero morning sickness. I enjoyed every bit of it all. Even had that pregnancy glow. Had the strength to endure all the aches and pains. Was able to muster up enough energy to get through the day. Was able to nap whenever I could at home! It was awesome! I thoroughly enjoyed it.

But with this pregnancy… although I was lucky enough to have a pretty decent one with no complications, it’s been much harder on me physically. I know a lot of it has to do with the fact that I was a lot more physically fit with the 1st pregnancy than this time around. I never got back to my pre-pregnancy weight or build. And I’m definitely paying for it now. I am always exhausted. I am always sore from the waist down. It takes forever for me to catch my breath. And I don’t have the stamina to take walks when I’m not at work. It’s sad but so true. Having a 2 year old toddler to chase around and keep up with hasn’t been easy either! When you’re in your 3rd trimester with a watermelon of a belly, it’s hard to sit on the floor to play with your toddler. It’s even more difficult to get up and run around playing tag or hide n seek with her.

So what’s got me all anxious?

Well, for one, the element of surprise when that first painful contraction hit? Not anything I expected. Anticipating pain like that for a 2nd time? Not fun at all. Other people have tried to reassure me that this next one will come fast. Maybe so… but that doesn’t make me feel better about going through all that pain again. My hubby tells me all the time that I made childbirth look so easy. And although he means it as a compliment, I always take it like I shouldn’t be complaining at all about this pregnancy and that I deserve no sympathy when I have back pain or when it’s hard for me to walk from point A to point B without waddling. That’s gotta be the hormones talking right there. I’ve never denied that childbirth isn’t painful. Because it does hurt. And just the thought alone makes me shudder. I want to try and see if I can go through this again without any pain meds and drugs. But I am also very open to getting that epidural… simply because I want to rest! Pushing takes a lot out of you… and I think that’s why it took so long last time… because I was beyond exhausted!!!

Let’s not forget about the newborn stage. Yes it’s such a beautiful and precious time. But let’s face it… sleep deprivation will literally make you go insane! Everyone who’s had a kid goes through it. They’re lying if they said it was a piece of cake from the first minute that beautiful thing came into this world. Bullshit. The ones that say that are the ones that have completely blocked it out of their memory. They simply do not remember just how hard it was at the very beginning. Or they do but they don’t want to admit it because they want you to believe they were the perfect parent right from the start. But whatever… the newborn stage is hard. 

Ok… so what’s got me all wired up the most about this whole thing? Going through the newborn stage with a toddler. A toddler who has had mom and dad all to herself for the past 2 years. A toddler who has no clue that a baby sister is on the way. Don’t get me wrong, she loves babies. And understands what they are. But she doesn’t quite grasp that mommy has one in her belly and will soon be bringing one into her life that won’t ever go away. She doesn’t know that now she will have to share mommy and daddy with this new baby. So I’m kinda freaking out about that. About having to divide my time and attention between the 2. About having to deal with mom guilt 2x as much.

Many of my mom friends have said that making the transition from 1 to 2 kids is a lot harder than making the transition from 0 to 1 kid. And I believe that 100%. I don’t expect it to be easy. I just hope I am able to adjust well enough to every new situation that comes up.

Anyway… I just wanted to share my thoughts with you about this whole thing. I am officially on maternity leave and I’m really gonna take this time to spend with my Ella before the new addition makes her appearance. And to continue nesting and getting things ready as well as getting in some much needed rest and relaxation.

Wish me luck!

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